Increasingly, when I get together with friends, the first thing we talk about is our ailing bodies, comparing notes: what did you do for your spinal problems?  How fast did you recover from your knee replacement? Anyone have cures for arthritis?

I recently had an MRI that showed I had “significant degeneration” in one of my spinal disks. Before I got to see the spinal doctor, I imagined all kind of bad outcomes. I had a lot of questions for the doctor, but the physician’s assistant I saw could tell me nothing about my long-term prognosis. Instead he listed all the options for relieving the pain, most of which involved using their clinic for increasingly expensive treatments, even though the pain is negligible for now. Luckily, I have friends and acquaintances who have had similar back issues, so I got more suggestions and reassurance from them: the massage therapy that worked, the steroids that temporarily eased the pain, and the surgery that mostly fixed the problem.

Almost every female friend has some form of bone-density loss. When I tried to decide if I should get on a popular drug that has some serious side effects, I found one person doing well on Fosamax, the recommended treatment for osteoporosis, while others had allergic reactions and have now tried something else. For now, I’m staying away from the drug.

Almost everyone I know has knee or hip replacements or both. They trade war stories about their operations and how long it took to heal, walk and drive again; and the best pain management. Some even share walkers, so they don’t have to buy or rent one.  

I get much more useful information from friends than from doctors who often tote the party line: take this medication and you’ll be fine; or this operation will fix the problem. What I hear from friends is that it’s more complicated, and outcomes can vary.

Over conversations, I also find out about new or alternative treatments. One friend told me tai chi kept her body balanced; another said stretching can overcome the downward effects of aging. For my arthritis pain, I got two good suggestions: decrease sugar consumption and take glucosamine. Based on another friend’s recommendation, I found an alternative healer who counsels that stress makes our ailments worse, so his therapy is to relax my body.

Not every new therapy works, but I’ve gotten more options than my doctors have given me and gained a bigger picture of my body. From this more holistic perspective, I can see how all the parts of my body—from my fingers to my brain—work together and affect each other.

Beyond the medical advice, I’ve often got good recommendations for doctors, massage therapists and acupuncturists.

Some people (younger people?) would say that all that time yapping about our medical conditions is self-indulgent and boring—an indication of our aging brains as much as our aging bodies. Aren’t there better things to talk about—politics, the state of our country, climate change or even the newest restaurant in town or our favorite TV show? And there’s a thin line between complaining too much and acquiring the information we need.

But the more we share stories about our tendonitis or bursitis, the more we help each other.  At our age, we’re all struggling to maintain our health. We know that none of us are going to regain our flexible, strong and pain-free bodies again. But we can boost each other, like combatants in a battle, to survive as best we can. We’ve all got war stories. Don’t keep them to yourself.